The Anxious Me

Yesterday saw over 1000 Townsvillians participate in the annual Mothers’ Day Fun Run.

Running isn’t new to me.  I participated in Cross Country at school and competed in Triathlons during my super fit years.  But is seems very new at the moment, as I haven’t realistically run (and by run I mean 4-5km or more at a time) for over 12 years.

My goal for yesterday was to run non-stop and to beat my time of last year.  I can proudly say that I achieved both of these, cutting a whopping 12min off!

Yet the day was overshadowed by a part of me that I find hard to explain, yet alone deal with.

It’s the anxious me.  I dread her enormously and symptoms of her arrival include and are not limited to:

• The nervous tummy
• The constant need to pee
• Nausea
• Undoing & doing up my shoelaces
• Feelings of
• Self doubt - can I do this?
• I’m too fat
• I’m too unfit
• I look like a dag
• And ultimately panic

The anxious me wants to run away and hide. 

In many ways I did this yesterday.   I just couldn’t cope.  I sought refuge with my darling husband and basically excluded myself from group situations and ignored some very important friends. 

The strange thing is I like running.  I find it meditative in my busy “mummy” life and it is very rewarding. 

So why does the anxious me appear?  Who knows, but I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with my lack of self-confidence and I need to find a way to deal with her.

She’s here today as I write and as I prepare myself for the Michelle Bridges 12WBT.   I’m terribly anxious about failing, about not setting myself realistic goals and most importantly, not dealing with my excuses.

The anxious me is terrified.   

The realistic, resilient me knows that I can overcome the anxious me.  I just need time, patience and a plan with concrete goals. 

My, Myself & If – It’s going to be a long journey of self discovery!